I have a real hard time with reflexive pronouns, they seam random to me. Let me tell you what I know, and then explain how to interpret a common phrase which completely confounded me:
I understand that sometimes they just mean a completely different verb, e.g., ir/irse o volver/volverse. I understand some verbs just need an object, “~~cemo o me cemo~~ quemo o me quemo” prompts the question of I burned so me ~~cemo~~ quemo is necessary, o roberse tampoco. I understand sometimes this is just how it is “sentar/sentarse”; but I can usually reinterpret so that when I think in spanish, it comes out correctly. Sentar doesn’t mean to sit, it means to place in a seated position.
Where I get confused is the use of “emphasis” or “completion”, for example comerse, “me como una pizza” but I’ve learned how to relax and use context. However, a song I enjoy, entitled “subeme la radio” made me realize, here again I have no idea how to interpret subirse in this context. It seems like it would be “sube se la radio” since the radio is what is getting turned up. But, subeme seems to suggest to “turn me up the radio”, implying that it seems like subirse can mean “turn this up _for_ me”.
Is there any actual guide for english speakers to understand reflexive pronouns in Spanish, or does one just learn all 10k examples of different usages? How do native speakers distinguish?
For another example, a song called “ganas” seems to mean either “you win” or “desires” but how does one know without learning the lyrics of the song, or rather does it “not matter” as its a play on words somehow? This is related because like before, _in context_ I think I would just think someone using “subirse” as a way of emphases, and I could distinguish between the differences in ganas, but these all seem vague and random and I’ve been confused enough that any guidance would be helpful.
EDIT: Muchisimos gracias. Me ayudan mucho, ya ahora entiendo mas!
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*Súbeme la radio* isn’t using *subirse*, it’s just *subir* with an indirect object pronoun attached. Turn up the radio **for me**.
>How do native speakers distinguish?
I have no idea honestly, it’s automatic.
>For another example, a song called “ganas” seems to mean either “you win” or “desires” but how does one know without learning the lyrics of the song.
In this case ganas probably means desires, otherwise “tu ganas” would be more common.
But it’s a word with different meanings like train or make up, you need context to know for sure.
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> “cemo o me cemo” prompts the question of I burned so me cemo is necessary
I think you mean “quemo” here.
Estás confundido.
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The direct or indirect object is important, without it, your phrase could have a different meaning.
– Me como. Without any complement, it would mean I am eating myself.
– Me como una pizza. It means you are eating pizza.
– ¡Súbeme! Help me to get up!
-¡Súbeme el volumen a la radio! Increase the volumen of the radio for me!
Also, ¡Súbeme el volumen de la radio! It’s like more Mexican, according to me. I’m pretty sure Spaniards would say something like ¿Le subes el volumen a la radio? In Argentina it would be like ¡Subile el volumen a la radio!
Verbs are only reflexive when the pronouns agree with the subject of the verb. “Sube” is in the tú form (tú command) and reflexive “me” goes with the yo form. Therefore, you can clearly see that this is not reflexive at all. Indirect object pronouns in Spanish (like in this case) can be used to mean do something *for* someone.
OK, forget “reflexive” verbs for a moment. Call them pronomial verbs, and understand that the pronouns of all pronomial verbs always “reflect” their subject, without fail.
In Spanish, verbs can be “pronomial”. When you look them up in a dictionary, they appear with “se” on the end. For example, arrepentirse, which in the dictionary, means “to regret”.
In English, we don’t say “I regret myself that I never did x,yz,”, we just say “I regret that I never…”. However, in Spanish, “to regret” is a pronomial verb (and doesn’t have a “non-pronomial” form, what you would call a “reflexive” form).
Pronomial means “this verb must be used with me before the yo conjugate, te before the tu conjugate, se before the 3rd person conjugates, etc.”. So we get:
me arrepiento, te arrepientas, se arrepienta, nos arrepentimsos, os arrepentís, se arrepientan
If you use any pronoun other than the one specified above for a conjugate, it is a mistake.
There is no verb “arrepentir” in Spanish, only arrepentirse. This means it always appears with “reflexive pronouns”; and remember that explicitly means you have to use “me” with the “yo”. You can’t say “te arrepiento”, or se arrepentimos. It’s nonsense because “reflexive” verbs (which I call pronomial verbs), “reflect the *subject* of the verb”.
Now, lets look at alegrarse and alegrar.
Both verbs exist in the dictionary. The first form is pronomial, so you can only put “me” before “alegro” and “te” before “alegras” and “se” before “alegra(n)” etc.
However, the second verb “alegrar”, means “to gladden”, or “to make happy”. The verb is transitive, and takes an object, which is usually some subordinate clause. Furthermore, it is *not* pronomial. That means you don’t put a pronoun that agrees with the subject of alegrar in the sentence. Furthermore, you are now free to indicate whoever it is that is now glad using an indirect object pronoun (me, te, le, nos,os,les). These pronouns are similar to “reflexive” pronouns. In fact they are identical apart from in the third person (le,les).
Me alegra que no fumes ahora. = It makes me glad that…
A mi hermana le alegra que no fumes ahora. = It makes my sister glad that…
A nosostros nos alegra que no fumes ahora = It makes us glad that…
A ellas les alegra que no fumes ahora. = It makes them glad that…
Notice that the verb “alegra” does *not* change in this form. It is always in the third person singular: “it makes somebody glad”.
​
Now, you could use the pronomial version, but then you HAVE to use the pronomial pronouns (“reflexive” pronouns), which as noted before, are the same as the indirect object pronouns, except in the third person. Furthermore, with the pronomial version, you have to conjugate alegrar accordingly:
A mi me alegro de que no fumes ahora = I’m glad that …
A mi hermana se alegra de que no fumes ahora = My sister’s glad that…
A nosotros nos alegramos de que no fumes ahora = We’re glad that…
A ellas se alegran de que no fumes ahora. = They’re glad that…
(The verb alegrarse has the dependent preposition “de” which you have to use in the pronomial form, but it is not a dependent preposition in the non-pronomial transitive verb form. This is really common).
Notice, that although I have given slightly different translations for the two grammatical forms (alegrar, [v.tr](https://v.tr), and alegrarse, v.pronomial), they are to all intents and purposes equivalent. That is to say, they are synonyms, and just “different ways of saying the same thing), albeit with different grammar.
The reason we have to use indirect object pronouns for these sentences is because “que no fumes ahora” *is* the direct object of the verb: answering the question “What it is that makes someone glad),. The indirect object answers the question (Who(m) is made glad?).
In short, before non-pronomial verbs, you can use ANY pronoun you like.
Before pronomial (“reflexive”) verbs, you can only put the pronoun that agrees with the verb’s conjugate.
Some verbs (like alegrar) have both a pronomial and non-pronomial version, so let you choose how to express yourself. Others are only pronomial (like arrepentirse), so you have to put the “reflecting” pronoun. And others are never pronomial, like, say, llover).
The quick memory version for where to put your pronouns is “RID” = Reflexive, Indirect, Direct, in that order, if they appear.
lo vi (direct object pronoun first because there is no “reflexive” nor “indirect” object)
te lo di (Indirect = to you, direct = “it” = I gave it to you)
se me olvidó (se = pronomial (olvidarse), me indirect = “to me”)
This last one is a common way of expressing accidental actions: se me olvidó is “it forgot itself to me”, which is understood as “I forget it” (accidentally), like “se me cayó” means “I dropped it”, rather than intentionally throwing it on the floor).
There are verbs that are essentially reflexive, such as “to wake up” (despertarse) or “to get married” (casarse). On the other hand, there are (a lot) verbs that can be used reflexively, like “to sleep” (dormir), which can become “dormirse” (to fall sleep); or “to feel” (sentir: feel something through the senses), which can become “sentirse” (to be in some kind of mood, feeling emotions). It is the same with the verb “to burn” (quemar). If someone say “ Yo quemo” is talking about the action, but he does not say what burns. “Yo me quemo” (quemarse) clarify the information (I burn myself) So, the general rule for using the reflexive pronoun is that the agent of the action is at the same time the recipient of the action, but becoming aware of that takes a lot of practice.
However, there are also object pronouns (direct and indirect) that answer the question ¿What Or Who is receiving the action? These pronouns are the same reflexive pronouns (me, te, nos) except for the third person (le, lo, la, les). And that is why sometimes there can be confusion, because they are the same word, although they do not carry out the same grammatical function.
In your examples, the imperative “súbele a la radio” (turn up the radio) or “súbeme la radio” (turn up the radio for me) pronouns are not reflexive, but object pronouns. About “ganas” (tú ganas / you win) or “tener ganas” (to want, to desire, to feel like…) it would be necessary to place the words in context, to know the real meaning. In addition, we have strange verbs like “to die” (morir / morirse), and in colloquial language those unnecessary emphasis appears: “me como una pizza”, where the use of the pronoun is not necessary, and simply responds to a habit of everyday spoken language. Similarly, many song lyrics take certain poetic, artistic, or popular parlance licenses. The reality is that the meaning of words will always be conditioned by the context.
The path is long, but the best way to learn is to always put the words in a situation, and realize who is the performer of the action, and who receives the action.